Breastfeeding Grief
Have you heard about breastfeeding grief?
Breastfeeding grief is a grief experienced by many mothers when they stop breastfeeding, or are unable to breastfeed their little one. It´s real, and it matters. One can experience a range of valid feelings when going through breastfeeding grief - such as a feeling of failure, feeling of loss, shame, guilt, anger, bad conscience, enviousness, regretfulness, etc. Whatever reaction you have, it´s completely normal.
The grief can be caused by many factors - maybe you had to stop before you were ready, maybe you had a very different experience than you hoped for, maybe you did not receive the support you needed, maybe you were not able to breastfeed due to various reasons, and so on. It´s important to note that having these reactions, thoughts or feelings does not mean you are ungrateful for your baby being fed.
WHEN NOT BEING ABLE TO BREASTFEED… Our society makes it very clear that breastfeeding is the best way to nurture your baby. Most mothers wants to breastfeed, and they often set a high expectation to themselves. But sometimes - it´s just not possible to go through with, due to various reasons. They start to mourn what could have been. They start to feel feelings of failure, anger, mistrust and loneliness. These mothers can have a hard time forgiving themselves for not being able to breastfeed. In a situation like this, it´s important to let yourself mourn, but try to be reasonable - don´t beat yourself up for something you cannot control.
WHEN HAVING TO STOP BREASTFEEDING… From a nature perspective, breastfeeding releases oxytocin, a hormone perfectly designed by nature to make sure breastfeeding is generally a positive, enjoyable, bonding experience. The hormone can give us ‘feel-good’ vibes of love and positivity, and the feeling og calmness and relaxation. If the happy hormones are flowing, it’s like our brain are telling us to keep going, as this is an amazing experience. Reduction of these hormones and an increase in stress can put our brains and our bodies on guard, and our ‘threat systems’ fire up. It can cause sadness, worry and anger. This can play a huge factor in how we feel when we stop breastfeeding, regardless of the reason we had to stop. Luckily - these hormones can be found in different activities; such as hugs, caring for animals, thrill-seeking activities such as rollercoasters and sky-diving, giving random acts of kindness, having a bath, having sex, eating chocolate.
Grieving mom.
Unfortunately, the society we live in often dismiss and invalidate our feelings and experiences related to being a woman. As a society we should recognise this grief for what it is, and support & encourage women to be able to grieve that loss. Feeling big feelings related to negative things happening in our lives is a normal response for anyone. Feeling dismissed when going through a grief like breastfeeding grief, can intensify the grief and make it harder to move forward. Breastfeeding grief is valid, and should always be taken seriously.
Here are a few tips to note when you are on your healing journey:
Recognise how normal your feelings are
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend
Talk to someone
Realise healing in not linear
Nurture yourself
Know that your are not alone
Consider giving feedback
Be open about your journey
It´s important to know that there is also a term called “Breastfeeding trauma” which is based on traumatic experiences related to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding grief and breastfeeding trauma are related, but different things, both are very important to acknowledge. This article focuses on breastfeeding grief.
Sources:
https://professoramybrown.co.uk/breastfeeding-grief
https://www.breastfeedingmummeets.co.uk/whos-talking/grieving-the-end-of-your-breastfeeding-journey/